The Perhaps of Faith

Pastor's Pondering #3

Photo by david Griffiths on Unsplash

In one week, Lord willing, I’ll be running my first marathon.

Now, this is something I’m very excited about, but honestly, I’m probably more anxious than excited as it gets closer to crunch-time. I’m not sure about you, but I’m very good at worrying. In fact, I can worry about the most ridiculous things that have almost no chance of happening.

So, I’ve been a bit worried about this race. I’ve raced four half-marathons in my few years of running and it was a goal of mine to run my first full marathon this year.

Throughout this training cycle I’ve felt pretty good minus having to overcome a broken toe and some niggles here and there. However, last Sunday I went out for my final long run and the longest run of my life (20 miles) and it was ugly.

When I had my 18- and 19-mile training runs I finished strong with negative splits the last three miles. This means my pace was progressing faster with each mile as I got close to the end. The 20-mile run was a different story. I was broken down by about mile eight, and my body completely gave out somewhere around mile-18. When I had previously finished strong up to that point and even beyond that point, things just didn’t go my way that night.

In fact, nearly everything went wrong, and I ended up walking the last mile and a half, which is something I’ve never had to do. Furthermore, I was traveling along in the pitch black on our local trail with my dying phone’s flashlight to guide the way. That is, until my good friend Kevin came out to motivate me for the last stretch and he brought some better light.

I was feeling fairly confident in my marathon training until this experience. I ran my tank all the way to empty that night both physically and emotionally and was in a really tough spot mentally. It was dark, cold, I hurt everywhere like I’ve never hurt before, and I was on the verge of being sick. So much so that I couldn’t eat the rest of the night.

I will have to confess that my fairly confident feeling about the upcoming race wavered significantly by the end of that night.

I can completely guarantee today that there is no possible way I could have gone for another six miles that night. However, it was the only run that went that poorly. As such, I’m trying to convince myself it was an anomaly—primarily because it was my only nighttime long run.

When my confidence was shaken, I decided to make a list of reasons I could do this marathon and do it well.

Instead of letting anxiety attack me, I made a list of 10 anxiety-attacking reasons. I determined I wasn’t going to play defense. I’m going to play offense. I’m not going to let worry lead me down a path of hopelessness, I’m going to go into this race with confidence and expectation.

One of the things that I added to my list is called the “perhaps of faith.”

A year ago, I preached through the books of 1-2 Samuel for Sunday worship at my local church and a handful of those messages have really stuck with me (I hope some of them stuck with my congregation too!).

In 1 Samuel 14, Saul is the king over Israel and he’s having problems with the Philistines. At this time, his son Jonathan (one of my favorite characters in Scripture) decided to go on the offensive. He sets out alone with only his armor-bearer accompanying him and doesn’t inform anyone.

They plan to attack a Philistine garrison atop a rocky crag. As such, Jonathan and his armor-bearer go up outnumbered and from a horrible offensive position. Fighting up a rocky hill is the furthest thing from ideal. Ideally, they would have had the higher ground.

And yet, Jonathan declares,

“Come, let us go over to the garrison of these uncircumcised. It may be that the Lord will work for us, for nothing can hinder the Lord from saving by many or by few” (1 Sam. 14:6, emphasis added).

Jonathan sees an impossible situation, and he responds with faith. In essence, he ponders, “Perhaps, this will go well.”

He has the miracle-working, sovereign Lord of heaven and earth on his team. The Philistines don’t have this! They’re truly the underdogs! Jonathan might be outmanned and outflanked, and yet he has the unfair advantage—Yahweh.

Jonathan ascends to what would naturally speaking be certain death, and yet the Philistines fell before him (1 Sam. 14:13-15). Later, some formerly frightened soldiers get involved and all in all the story concludes, “So the Lord saved Israel that day” (1 Sam. 14:23a).

Now, I fully understand that my marathon is significantly different than ancient Israelites battling Philistines. Likewise, I’m not doing this on God’s behalf necessarily, so I can’t be guaranteed that I’ll get a supernatural boost to my quadriceps, although I’d certainly take it. But the phrase, a “perhaps of faith” has stuck with me since I preached that sermon.

Truly, worry is faith being placed in a negative outcome rather than in the God who holds every outcome in His hands. We can look over whatever challenge might be coming in our lives and think, “perhaps this will go awful.” Or, we can think, “perhaps this will go well.”

Worry is mental energy wasted. I consistently find that much of what I worry about never happens, and much of what I stress about still gets accomplished, and by much of I mean probably 99.9 percent.

This week, I’m reviewing 10 reasons I can expect a positive outcome next Saturday. One is the “perhaps of faith.” Perhaps it will go better than I anticipate.

When I ran my third half marathon last October, I had a goal to run it in less than two hours, a common time goal.

I was nervous and losing sleep the night before the race, and I ended up beating my A-goal by about five minutes. My time was 1:48. I had time to spare. Perhaps, this next race will go this way as well, and it will be even easier than the 20-miler for reasons I won’t go into now.

But there’s a chance and I’m believing for it.

I’ve got a 26.2 sticker for the window of my car coming in the mail. Lord willing, perhaps next Saturday it will go on the back window of my car, and if not, I’ll try again in the future.

I pray you use this “perhaps” in your own life in challenges much greater than what I’m currently facing.

If God be for us, who can be against us? (Rom. 8:31b).